Up to 12k in my new writing project. I still like it so much, which is so weird for me, that I’m meta-doubting myself. I can’t doubt the project so I’ve started doubting the veracity of me actually liking it.
Sometimes I really wish I could just get my brain to cool it, heh.
It doesn’t help that this is my most ambitious project ever, or that I think it has mass market appeal or that it actually might make a difference in people’s lives.
That’s right — if you ever asked me this in person, I’d straight up lie and pretend what I do is entertainment for entertainment’s sake, but no. I actually look around at the world a lot and want to change things for the better and try to empower people about stuff and things. This book is my best chance at that. I want to give people hope, in the future, and in themselves.
The last time I felt like this about a project I wrote a glamorous proposal for it and it went no where. But this book I’m finishing, hell or high water, and either it’ll sell, or I’ll put it out there myself. I believe in it like I’ve believed in nothing I’ve ever written before. Which is why writing it is so frightening.
Luckily I’ve got a doubt monkey killing boomstick nearby. And I’ll go to work for a few days over the holidays here and I’ll get over myself and my awkward ‘you-can-change-the-world’ pretensions and come back ready to write even more.
You cannot kill doubt monkeys – but you can disempower them
…by making fun of them.
For doubt to do its insidious, invidious work, it has to be taken seriously. I’m not saying it’s easy not to, but it’s the most-effective means to dealing with the hoary little beasties.